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Meeting Your Virtual Friends
Most of us who blog, use forums and social networking sites for discussions and exchanging views, come in contact with people from all over the world. With some we interact more than with others. Of course, online discussions sometimes result in exchanging emails. We start developing something that can be called 'friendship' and many times we start feeling there is some higher level of connection. Be it similar views, similar personalities or familiar life situations, sometimes these 'friendships' also develop because we are learning something new from each other. Learning from each other is a big aspect of blogging and I feel most people are blogging because they do like meeting like minded people.So I was wondering a few things about this whole phenomenon:
This post was written by Pearl from Fresh Perspectives. Pearl analyzes random topics she finds online, sharing her own experiences, questioning their value, dissecting their meanings and triggering controversial reactions. If you are interested in contributing to the thinking process and become a guest writer on The Thinking Blog, find out more information here and be my guest!
1. Are virtual friendships different than real life friendships for you? If yes, how?
Okay I think that word 'real-life' is not really accurate here because the virtual friendships are also real-life friendships except that we don't get to meet all of our virtual friends in person, go to lunches/dinners with, play tennis/golf with and get together over the weekends etc.
2. Is it possible to develop closer ties with people you meet online because sometime it is easier to exchange views freely in writing verses talking?
I am thinking here about the controversial issues which many of us might hesitate to express our honest views and opinions on if called upon to do so because of fear of being judged or worse being attacked?
3. And most of all, I wonder, would we feel the same about our Internet 'friends' if we ever meet them in person?
Or would our perceptions that we developed reading their words on the screen change after meeting? Would you be a bit unsettled if you saw a completely different person than the image you create for them over time?
This post was written by Pearl from Fresh Perspectives. Pearl analyzes random topics she finds online, sharing her own experiences, questioning their value, dissecting their meanings and triggering controversial reactions. If you are interested in contributing to the thinking process and become a guest writer on The Thinking Blog, find out more information here and be my guest!
30 thoughts:
ILka
hmmm....you raise very "thoughtful" issues about friendship. I suppose it depends on how you define it.
Friendships are multi-faceted, and ever evolving. Growing as the two people develop "kindred interests, shared points of view, in an accepting forum, also for communicating differences in opinions through tolerance.
Whether they are internet friends or "real life friends", is less important to me than the potential for meeting new people that I would never had been introduced to , if the internet didnt exist.
Even when we meet people in person, and they are not what we expect , its also important to remember that true lasting friendships, the ones that really count, are based on the quality of ones heart and soul which isnt something thats apparent visually, but, is an intangeable quality that is percieved as we get to know them by discovering what it is about them that makes them so interesting to us.
I have always felt that the boundaries of friendships are defined by the friends, who, as long as they recognize that all relationships need to be fluid and flexible, nothing else really matters.
I dont know if that answers the issues you raised, but it does sound a wee bit poetic.
jon
Hi, I know you've sworn off memes, but I wanted to show my appreciation for your blog anyway, so I've tagged you with a Blogger for Positive Global Change award. The meme was inspired by the Thinking Blogger award that you so generously gave out earlier, and it's only right to pay you back for it in some way.
My experience with the internet (being 36 years of age) are a little different than the younger crowd. When chat rooms and IM first began it was full of perverts, etc... If you disclosed too much then you would have a stalker.
Now, today, people are getting married to online friends, dating services are used, etc.. It has changed drastically.
But Im still a little hesitant due to the fact I get by on my sarcasim and it is hard to read sarcasim online.
Hey, it happens. I kind of fell in love with a girl online a while back and I didn't think that was possible.
It's more difficult for people who have been online from the early days like bowrag mentioned. I couldn't get over my prejudices about "e-friends" until that one girl.
This is something thats close to my heart. I have travelled around the world meeting people I know from online. Its been absolutley incredible.I get to see the world at a rather cheap living cost, and meet the people behind the screens. Most often, the meeting strenghtens the relationship even further, but on rare occassions you end up with a friendship lost in the sand.
I do think its easier to get to know the "real" person online, because it is indeed easier to express controversial views, and also controversial facts about one self. After knowing someone online for a year, I know more about them than i know about someone I've known since kindergarten.
Also, i met my Boyfriend online, now we live together and have two precious cats. It just doesn't get any better than that.
It really depends. More than 80% of communication doesn't deal with words alone, so just reading what someone types on a computer screen doesn't exactly build a relationship.
A very succinct post Pearl !!!!
I think that it is possible to begin a friendship online but in order for it to be a "real life" friendship you do need to have personal, face-to-face interaction. If it's totally online, you're only getting a small part of the picture (like blank czech related in his comment). ;)
thanks Kim....:) but did you voice your opinion? oh may be on my blog? lemme go check ... see ya
hmmm great post Pearl.
Are virtual friendships different than real life friendships for you? If yes, how?
I think they are because you dont know them..They could be totally different face to face.
And most of all, I wonder, would we feel the same about our Internet 'friends' if we ever meet them in person?
I am not sure about that I suppose so:)
i agree that virtual friends can develope and evolve to a stronger bond,when people interacts and discuss stuff frequently, this will happen, and yes sometimes it is more easier to express by writing rather than verbally.....im one of those, i find writing is more easier rather than speaking directly, hmmmmm if i were to meet my virtual friends - well that depends, i think it wont change a thing.....friendship is no based on how you look, but it is the heart that matters actually.....
I think online friendships can be genuine and rewarding. I'm actually pleasantly surprised at how many actual friendships I've made online. I tend to be very busy so online friendships work well with my schedule. There is an understanding that online friends will get back to each other when they can.
In the Internet we can do a sign of equality between man and blog. But internet friend would be a different person in real life. But nevertheless, will be a friend!
hmm.... its interesting how many different feelings are there on this issue. I have met a number of good people (regardless of age, ethnicity and gender and even nationality) with whom I have had intelligent and stimulating discussions and have enjoyed my interactions and have developed some great friendships and this would never have been possible without having the facility to talk on line. In person (off line) friendships are always good but is it possible to always see people's true side anyway?
My feeling is that people tend to be a bit more honest on line 'cause they are much more relaxed in the comfort of their own territory...
and I have a feeling that 'writing' something can bring out a lot of our true personality at the fore front...
what are your thoughts on it Ilker?
I've made some great friendships online but, to be honest, I know my "real life" friends and their true personality more than the ones online.
Maybe it's because I don't find it particularly easier to exchange views online compared to offline. I speak out who I am regardless and listen my friends to find the real them.
As for meeting my online friends, I've done so many over the past, still do and look forward to meeting more in the future. It's one of the most exciting things in life! =)
Really? You of all the people find it hard to exchange views online Ilker?? that really makes me think now =)
Well, I didn't say that Pearl. What I really mean is that exchanging views offline is as easy as online.
Conversing with someone behind a screen is the same as conversing with someone face to face.
It makes no difference to me.
sorry - i think i misunderstood you! yes I agree with you.. i also feel its the same for me, online or offline.
Well, I have met several of my on-line friends over the years - some have visited my home, and some have stayed awhile, some have come from abroad on tours of the UK or of Europe. Amusingly, the one thing they each had in common was having posted on their websites photographs of themselves which were at least ten years out of date! That aside, I have never been disappointed by internet friends in 'real life' though none quite matched the impressions I had formed of them on-line, either.
Hi Julie - I think that is perhaps the most accurate account so far :) I am glad you came here and told us your personal experience ... thats exactly what i was wondering...:)
I find meeting people in online communities refreshing. There is nothing to be judged except for what you say to each other.
In a less virtual "real life" when you meet someone your first impression colors the way you perceive what that person says.
Those perceptions come from your own life experience and may or may not be relevant.
For example, if you meet an attractive person wearing what you perceive to be expensive clothing and demonstrating good taste in general, you would probably be more inclined to accept what that person says as valuable.
On the other hand, meeting a street person a be told the exact same thing, you would likely react differently... even if as it turned out, both were university educated and had similar IQ's.
From behind the computer monitor, it doesn't matter what I look like or how much my shoes cost, if I am fat or thin, tall or short, young or old.
Given that both parties are honest and above board, I would support the notion that friendships formed in this manner have a higher level of strength than those formed "in the real world".
That being said, I have met several of my online friends and only one has not survived as a friendship. In fact, one friend met this way has turned out to be a 9 year "real life" friendship and she is the God Mother to one of my children.
Great Blog - Great Thought.
very well said Kaediem... I feel that online friendships do have a potential to be much more genuine than real life - I like the words you used - higher level of strength!
tried to comment on your site but the server keeps timing out!!
Hi ILka,
I like what you said about internet friendship, it is so true. Of course, you cannot compare your long-time friends with the one you've made on the web. But virtual friends can lead to some real friends, from my personal experience. I've met one of my friends thanks to chats, and now she's like my sister. I see her all the time.
I have met some great people, and some not so great people on the web. One thing that's for sure is that social networking (or virtual friends) activity is going to be the more acceptable for meeting someone new.
Great article by the way.
I like the flexibility of having virtual friends. I can leave comments, blogs, etc. on my schedule. I also get to see bits and pieces of people's lives in one sitting.
The only thing I'd be concerned about in meeting a virtual friend is the possiblity of false impressions that I might have based on their writing style and the expectations I might have based on their online personality.
I believe there is a face-to-face chemistry that can't be sensed online.
Being a normally shy person is not something you can tell online from my posts on my forum or blog.
Having virtual friendships help in initiating some common ground.
Meeting them in person, however, will make the determining factor on a lasting friendship or not.
Just my .02
I've met this guy on friends' site, and for 3 months we've been talking almost everyday, it feels good talking to him..we share a lot of stuff. We both know what the other one looks like so there's not so much pressure if someone is lying about their looks or lying about his age.
The thing is that i'm begginig to feel something special for this guy but could it be love???
Seems to be we won't be able to meet each other 'cause we live far far away...
so what do you think?
hmm..finding a dating site free of fake accounts are hard to find
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Best wishes
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