06 April 2007
Holy Impostor Batman! The Turkish film industry's goofy remakes of Star Wars, Star Trek, and The Exorcist are already justifiably infamous. You've seen Turkish Superman, now check out Turkish Batman! This 1973 version is a little different from the Christian Bale or Michael Keaton versions. No stealth tank for this man — he's got a
crappy awesome Turkish domestic Fiat (called a Murat).
OK, so this is what happens. Turkish Dick Grayson calls Turkish Bruce Wayne, who's in bed being watched by Turkish Alfred (who in Turkey is a woman) to tell him Turkish Batman and Robin are needed. Turkish Bruce then jumps out of bed in his tightie whities. Turkish Alfred is shocked. Fully dressed now, Turkish Bruce finds Turkish Dick, Turkish Barbara Gordon and a woman sleeping on his floor. Then Turkish Commissioner Gordon calls on the Turkish Bat-Phone, and Turkish Bruce and Dick turn into Turkish Batman and Robin and get into the Turkish Batmobile. For some reason the Danny Elfman theme has been replaced by James Bond tunes here. Then we cut back to Turkish Police Headquarters where Turkish Commissioner Gordon (who has shaved off his mustache in the interim) gets a call from his doctor that he has a bad prostate. He is so upset by this that he tells Turkish Chief O' Hara to leave the room. Meanwhile, Turkish Egghead has captured Turkish Vicki Vale. Turkish Batman and Robin arrive at Turkish Egghead's mansion and fight a bunch of Turkish goons, but first they take their Turkish Bat-Capes off for some reason. Their punches are really loud. Batman saves Turkish Vicki from the evil Turkish Egghead. Turkish Vicki is in her underwear, probably because the script was written by Turkish Frank Miller. Turkish Batman takes his eyes off Turkish Vicki's Turkish Hanes Her Ways long enough to notice that Turkish Robin is getting his Turkish ass handed to him by the Turkish goons. Turkish Batman rescues Turkish Robin and then, just like in the American movies, Turkish Batman is so loopy from a woman making goo-goo eyes at him that he reveals his secret identity to Turkish Vicki. They kiss. The end.
[ Via: Killermoth ]